Flakes and Fakes. What can be done?

A Master who mocks His slave’s worship of Him is not worthy of owning.

A slave that submits by deception dishonors her Master and herself.”

This quote was taken from the journal of a female submissive, who is a member of the BDSM community Collarme.com

Inspired by the above quote and a chat conversation I had last night with a submissive, today I wish to touch on the the subject of this subject. Finding someone to begin a relationship is difficult enough in the mainstream dating world. Many including myself have turned to the realm of online communities and, social networks in an attempt to find one, who shares common interests, passions and desires; to have and to hold, and to make do what is told.

While existing online allows one to connect with others more conveniently (not necessarily easily), like all things, searching for a relationship online has its drawbacks. Existing online allows one a certain sense of anonymity, it is this very thing that some people will exploit for whatever dishonorable ends. Some see this as a form of entertainment. Unfortunately, this kind of behavior for reasons unknown to me, is more common in some communities than others. Understandably, there is a degree of frustration that can develop which would cause one to either be completely skeptical of others in a given community which can escalate up-to and including giving up the search.

See my previous entry on how I go about talking with a submissive.

What follows are some things that can be done to protect one’s self, while at the same time being open and honest about themselves and bridge the gap between those that interact with one another. This is of course not a definitive guide, it is meant as a starting point. This is written with the goal of establishing a real time meeting and relationship. Should any readers have any additional suggestions please write me and I shall post these suggestions in a follow up entry.

Communication: In the early sages its best to use the community’s own email system until a bond is established. This can progress to using messenger clients like Yahoo messenger, Skype. Of course there are other clients but the two I mention are the ones that I most frequently. These two clients allow for voice and video conferencing. Yahoo messenger allows for file sharing and easy photo sharing.

  1. The Web-cam. Personally I have a preference for showing myself on the web-cam as it allows me to prove that I’m human rather quickly. For example I can wave, or make a quick sign to show on the cam if someone requests such proof. Now there are those that may be unwilling to show themselves on a web-cam, to them, I say this: You control what is seen. The web-cam can be positioned in whatever way the broadcaster sees fit, for example, a close up of the broadcaster’s mouth, or chest. The broadcaster can have some fun with concealing him or herself by wearing hats, bandages, scarves, masks or what-have-you.
  2. Photo sharing. Most people will prefer to share photos of themselves rather than appearing on a web-cam. However there are risks. Understand that there are people out there, who make it a goal to collect photos. Women in particular need to be wary of this. Again: You control what is seen. This means that one can choose share photos that have been altered by way of cropping, watermarking, or using photos that specifically focus away from one’s face. The use of free editing applications is also recommended for making any desired edits. An example of such an edit on one of my own photos can be seen here. Though the best way of protecting one’s self from the scourge of “sexting” is a simple one. Don’t share nude, or otherwise compromising photos that you can be identified in on the onset.
  3. Photo sharing 2: Reverse image searching. There may come a time where one has doubts about weather or not the photos one received. Thankfully there a way to look things up. Use Tineye to upload a suspect photo and view the results. If there are no results shown chances are good that the photo is genuine, though this should (if possible) be followed up with a web-cam verification. If results do show in the search, view each hit at the source page itself, to see in what context the suspect photo is used. Tineye also shows how one image is a variation of another through use of cropping or other photo manipulation. Keep in mind that Tineye has a finite amount of searches allowed per day, so be mindful of how often it is used in any given day. Credit for this tool goes to the many female submissives on collarme who reference this tool in their respective journals.
  4. Voice verification. More often then not, voice verification is used for gender verification, unfortunately, there are despicable males (of all roles) who attempt to pass themselves off as women through the use of procured photos. Misrepresentation of this sort is huge pet-peeve of mine. If a phone number exchange is not ideal (and should be done with caution on the part of a submissive), then use voice chat functions in Yahoo messenger, Skype, or the messaging client of your choice. Personally, I offer the option of a submissive calling me, on my cell, and advise her to block her number. Of course this option should only be offered once a comfortable rapport has been established. Yahoo messenger and Skype both have mobile versions that can found for free for use on most smartphones. I myself have an iPhone4.

As a Dominant I feel its my responsibility do what I can to establish comfort and trust. No matter how far, (or not) things go. I know that my role is to first be a guide and friend. So to that end, I am usually the one to initiate such things as showing myself on web-cam, or offering to start a voice-chat, with the understanding that the submissive on the other end can hear me but, for whatever reason is not to speak, and/or unable or unwilling to show herself on the web-cam. With the hope that in time, this barrier is only temporary, as a submissive becomes comfortable with the shared interaction.

Of course I (as well as most Dominants) work within a submissive’s limits. That being said if goal is to establish a power exchange D/s or M/s relationship, there must be an equal effort on both parties. If one person is putting in more of an effort, than the other, if one doesn’t take the time to listen, to communicate, to reciprocate; if things are unbalanced for too long, if the relationship becomes abusive, or otherwise toxic- then the nature of the relationship, perhaps the relationship itself needs to be evaluated.

Time, patience and effort is needed to develop a relationship, weather it is friendship between two people, or up to and including a Master/slave relationship. Ideally, leading up to a real-time, face to face Person to person bonding.

Best wishes to all who are seeking

– Sir Chance

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