One of the most important things to have in a relationship is open communication.
While this is usually easy to do with things such as the needs of the house and what to do for dinner; sex, in particular with respect to one’s desires and kinks is one thing that some find difficult to talk about. Naturally as one’s intimate desires are precious and closely guarded.
Therefore, for the sake of yourself, for the sake of your (intimate) relationships, talk, share.
This can (and will for the most part) cause one to be nervous, however before discussing your desires with your partner/loved one. Have something in mind just in case the discussion turns to exploration.
Here are three play ideas to help with exploration that are easy to do and not rely to much on equipment. Keep in mind that this is written from the perspective of a male in the Dominant role, and the female in the submissive role. Moreover its written with the female attempting to introduce her male partner into indulging some of her lighter kinks. Adjust per situation and taste as needed.
- Spanking:While this seems simple enough, there’s a lot to work with. One can use a hair brush with a flat end, a ping-pong paddle, a Wooden spoon, etc, or ever-effective bare hands.
Positioning is very wide open, different positions can set the mood for the scene. For example, having her partner pull her own pants down and hold them, while leaning forward to receive the strikes by way of a ruler has a different phycological impact, then being made to lay across her boyfriends knees and be spanked barehanded. It can get even kinkier if she wants to demonstrate how much pain she can take by administering the spankings on herself with the aid of a full sized mirror. A self spanking demo can be very helpful in communicating to the Boyfriend that there is little to fear from hurting her, and in spanking herself, entice the male to try his hand at it, pun intended.
- Bondage:A little more intimate than the spanking in that bondage requires that both partners accept a stronger commitment to the act. The Dominant must be willing to have the conviction to enact the bondage and see it through, the submissive must be willing to be tied up and try her best not to freak out once as it happens. To guard against this come up with a safe-word together. Something easy to remember but odd enough to raise an eyebrow. Examples are “Red”, “Gummy Bear”, “Accountant”. Remember these are only examples, the idea is to come up with a word that works for the both of you. Once this word is utters everything stops,the ropes come off and the soothing begins. The method of the bondage itself depends on what is readily available. Try using any of the following: Stockings, Duct tape, Nylon Rope, Belts. Handcuffs.
Experiment with these and develop a sustainable, mutual comfort level before investing in more elaborate devices such as a bed bondage kit.
- Blindfold:While this may be the simplest of tools to use, this is perhaps the most fear inducing. This is due to the loss of the very important sense of sight. A high level of trust is needed if this is to work out well for all involved. The power shift between the submissive and the Dominant is the most pronounced in this kind of play than in the previous two instances. The Dominant has near complete control in the direction of the submissive, while because of this, the submissive must rely on the character of her Dominant as well as her own faith to see her through this.
For this to be effective the submissive must be willing to relinquish control of herself to the Dominant, this is a show of willingness to please him however he desires. This can include oral sex, intercourse and/or simply being lead around; all while being blindfolded. Because the loss of sight can intensify not only one’s other senses but one’s anxieties- a safe-word is highly recommended before engaging in this kind of play for a prolonged period.
When starting out the ideas for play mentioned above shouldn’t go above an hour unless both partners are willing, but should not be less than half an hour in order for the experience to take hold.
Also, weather its an hour or two after playtime finishes, or the morning after, TALK about what happened, share your feelings, your impressions, this is important to not only build up the confidence to try these things again- but to push things further as well if both people agree it.
In time, one of two things will happen: It will progress into something deeper as more desires are mutually shared, or it can stop with the understanding that one or both people simply aren’t into it.
The important part in both cases is that the effort was made, shared.
Without the willingness to discus these desires with your partner/loved one, these desires will go unfulfilled. In my opinion, the secret of life is to pursue and express one’s desires/goals and share them with those that are important to us. for however long they are with us.
While making the attempt and fail may lead to unhappiness, doing nothing will ensure it.
Best of luck to you and to yours.
P.S. I wrote an addition blog entry that relates to/completes this one. It can be seen here
