The Damage of unbalanced submission

Recently I had a conversation with a switch friend of mine who is currently exploring her Dominant side. She recently encountered a male submissive, who’s experience is comparatively much greater than her own. They had known one another as friends previously.

From what I’ve been told, his previous Mistress was a harsh to the extreme. He had left this Mistress when she had proclaimed that he would be castrated (The mistress would remove his balls), once they were married, and she had her two children. Realizing the sheer insanity of this demands this male submissive left this extreme Mistress. However the damage has already been done. He has been conditioned to put the needs of the one he serves far above his own; his mind had been conditioned so thoroughly that he could not comprehend choosing a meal for himself when the two of them went out. As if the idea of being able to choose for himself was completely alien to him.

He seemed to have a desperate need to please whoever he served, Immediately offering to pay tribute in the form of gifts, and offering to to pleasure her however she desired. This overwhelmed her.

She politely rejected his offer saying that she was capable of doing this for herself. However I think was a mistake, not the refusal itself, but the way it was said. This man, this submissive, no this male slave appeared genuinely hurt, when denied this opportunity to serve. To people that have been conditioned in such a way, the word “No”, or any such direct refusal causes them to question the fragile sense of self-worth they have. Instead I feel that that putting aside the offer for consideration, rather than a refusal would have been the better way to go.

If she (my friend) were to pursue a relationship with this male slave she would need to take the time to get to know him, and ask him question in such a way where it did not cause this person to question his own self-worth. A task that could very well be impossible. As she is not the kind of person to openly take advantage of others like his former Mistress did. Fortunately they both came to an understanding that pursing a D/s relationship would be good thing to do at the present time as he will need to heal before offering his submission to anyone in the near future.

It is unfortunate that there are individuals out there who are so self centered, so domineeringly abusive that those who submit to them, willingly, or not are warped in such a way that they cannot function for themselves and must always seek someone to serve, for that is how they define their purpose in life.

With respect to D/s I’ve always felt that the best relationships within this realm are symbiotic relationships; were the needs, desires and concerns of all involved are equally valid, and are pursued as a shared journey.

To those of you who read this, and question what it is to be submissive, I can only offer this:

The act of being submissive, of making the conscious choice to place their life in the hands of someone requires a reserve of inner strength and faith, that cannot and should not be taken lightly. It is gift that is as precious as the gift of life itself, in fact, I would say that a submissive offers that very gift: the gift of their life, to be molded and enjoyed as it is to be protected and nurtured.

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