The Limitations of Distance Domination Relationships

Thanks to internet it is possible to find a community for just about every conceivable pursuit, interest, hobby, fetish etc. BDSM is no exception. In my opinion it is due to the internet that BDSM is undergoing a resurgence of interest and activity. In fact its through this medium that I discovered BDSM to begin with. (see my previous entry).

While it is possible to connect with many, many people over great distances and share ideals, ideologies and stories; it is quite another thing to put them into live practice. The means to do so depend on one’s resources, creativity, ingenuity. While these are qualities that should be within each Dominant and a submissive, to some degree, they are essential it comes to a long distance engagement. There are many limitations that must be considered carefully. Among these are:

  1. The limitation of time difference: Different parts of the world are active at different times. For example when its 11:00PM Sunday night in New York, it is only 8:00PM Sunday night in California, and the time in London would be: 4:00AM Monday morning. The longer the time lag between individuals, the greater the adjustment need to accommodate those involved. Depending on available time of those involved this can be strenuous.
  2. The limitations of communication and information: How communication between those involved in a relationship can greatly depend on time difference as stated above. It also depends on if there are restrictions on either end of those involved. Examples include: No phone contact, no voice (via Skype or similar program) contact, no visual contact on either one end or all involved. This can include the photos and/or videos. This can also extend as for as one true living identity.
  3. The limitations of individual and shared goals: Ideally this should be addressed from the onset. If it is clear to all involved what one another’s goals are they can work toward the realization of said goals. That being said, it is important that the goals set are realistic and practical. If at any point a level of frustration builds up from anyone one involved, this must be brought to light for the sake of all involved so that adjustments can be made if possible. If adaptations cannot be made for any reason then ceasing the relationship on hopefully amicable terms must be considered.
  4. The limitations of living physical reality: Despite one’s best efforts, despite whatever emotional connection may exists how strong it is, despite the circumstances of those involved, reality will set in. Reality is the slowly building urge, of the desire, the need for physical contact. This need exists and is ever-present and will not remain dormant forever. Circumstance, Serendipity and Opportunity will work in concert to form one of two outcomes: (A.) For those involved in the distance relationship to meet physically and be with one another for an extended period of time. Or, (B.) Someone in the relationship will seek the gratification of their needs with one who is physically placed and able to do so. One cannot survive on mental stimuli and emotion alone. When this limitation cannot be overcome, one must admit to the ending of the relationship for the sanity and happiness of all involved.

 Unless the possibility truly exists for the physical expression of the emotional bond- built up in the distance and time between those involved is realized; a distance domination relationship is best viewed as an exercise in creative thinking, creative writing and role-playing for those involved. This will remain so unless the limitations above are confronted and taken-down together. Like any relationship, that requires shared time, shared trust, and shared faith in all involved.

 It is my hope that what I have shared here helps those in or considering such an endeavor.

Best of luck and with my sincere wishes for happiness.

– Sir Chance

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